Talking to Strangers

Hi, friends!It’s officially holiday party season in the USA, and whether you’ve got office shindigs, family get-togethers, or friendly gatherings—or some combination thereof—chances are you’re doing more socializing than normal. I know this can be hellish for introverts, and I sympathize.I’m always a little conflicted about the whirlwind of people-seeing that spins up this time of year, because I’m basically right on the borderline between introversion and extroversion, with an ever-so-slight bend toward to the extrovert side. (I just took two online quizzes that confirmed this longstanding self-diagnosis and you know those things are 100% foolproof.) I do actually enjoy my annual work holiday party, though, and I always time my December trip to Chicago so that I can be there. It’s nice to have the chance to get to know new folks and catch up with more established colleagues, all while enjoying free booze and food. (I also appreciate the chance to say “see you next year” whenever I'm heading out to the airport, because I love a good cheesy joke.)My latest column is technically advice for working from home, but it’s also a meditation on the importance of maintaining friendly connections with your coworkers. (For more on the nuances of these dynamics, here’s a Monster.com article that quotes me.) I know that some people are just friendship-incompatible and others are just straight-up jerks—and with those folks, you have to settle for basic professional politeness—but the more of a genuine rapport you can forge with your colleagues, the better. It’ll help you get stuff done and also make the work itself feel more pleasant.Getting over that initial “we work together but nave never really talked” hurdle isn’t always easy, though. Or at least, it’s tough for some people. For me, social awkwardness just makes me talk more, desperately searching for something vaguely funny to say which…I guess is better than the alternative? If nothing else, it’s a good skill to have when networking—even if you’re not an inveterate blatherer like me, you’ll be surprised at how far you’ll get with a simple and honest opener like “hi, I don’t know anyone here so I figured I’d talk to you.” My ability to chat with strangers got a workout last month at an amazing women’s leadership conference called You Can’t Fail, where I was fortunate enough to participate on a panel and meet a bunch of fantastic folks. And the fact that I was even there is also the result of my conversational compulsion.Let me tell you a story.In the summer of 2014, about a year after I moved from Chicago to Syracuse, Doug and I were ill-advisedly walking through a downpour to an outdoor concert festival when we were offered a ride from a friendly stranger. After accepting it (in defiance of all childhood safety conditioning), our Samaritan/chauffeur invited us to seek shelter under her friend’s tailgate tent, where we struck up a conversation with a couple who’ve become some of our closest friends in Central NY. We ended up joining their role-playing game group, and a fellow nerd from that crew introduced me to one of his friends—who just so happens to be the board president of You Can’t Fail. If I hadn't met a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend of hers, she never would've invited me, and my life would be the poorer for it. I get a kick out of serendipitous cause-and-effect chains like these, because they feel a lot like magic. At least a few other friendships started out through a similarly unlikely coincidences, and all of them began with some version of “hey, fellow human, might we interact?”And sure, it doesn’t always work. You might get rebuffed (especially if you’re a dude-type person approaching a lady-type—tolerance for masculine presumption is pretty low right now, and that's depleted our benefit-of-the-doubt reserves). But even if your efforts fail at first, persevere. I once got punched in the stomach by a girl backstage at a dance recital who—as I vividly learned in that moment—wasn’t super thrilled that I was trying to talk to her. And look at me now! I’m rambling at a list of mostly strangers about how much I love rambling at strangers. Living the dream, with nary a tutu-clad pugilist in sight.(I’m sorry I just said “pugilist,” by the way. It’s just that there aren’t many nouns that mean “person who punches.”)I'll have another column out soon, but I won't be tinylettering again until the new year, because I am on the cusp of two long-anticipated vacations. First up is a trip to Arizona to visit Doug’s family, with a stop in St. Louis to see mine (along with a few friends) on the way back. Then after a brief sojourn back in Syracuse, we’re headed to BARCELONA—where we haven’t been since our honeymoon in 2008, so let’s hope the Catalan-secession thing doesn’t wreak havoc there by the time we arrive—followed by ROME. Then I’m going right back to Chicago for work. It didn't seem like an excessive amount of travel when I was scheduling everything, but I just realized I'm only spending about 14 (nonconsecutive!) days in my own bed between now and late January. What.Here’s hoping you also have some restorative time away in the weeks to come, and that your 2018 gets off on a great start. (Oh, and if you want a personalized signed copy of my book for someone on your gift list, let me know by Monday 12/18 at the very latest. I’m not gonna have extra copies with me when I travel—it’s hard enough keeping our luggage under the weight limit as it is.)To quote our friends’ holiday card from last year, “HAPPY EVERYTHING!” Peace on earth, and goodwill toward…anyone who actually deserves it. ~court AKA Businesslady PHOTO TIME!I haven't posted an airplane-sunset picture yet, right? Here’s an airplane-sunset picture from last Friday, which is also when I wrote most of this letter. I was SUPPOSED to be working on a grant proposal, but the in-flight wifi wasn’t…strong enough?...to let me access my email, so I was grateful to have another project to distract me from the steadily mounting anxiety of why isn’t it loading?!?

 Also I realize it’s kind of ridiculous that we can even send and receive wireless data while hurtling through the sky in the first place—but if I’ve paid $6 for the privilege it better work, dammit. At least when I’m on a deadline. So in lieu of an official correction this month, let my saga be a lesson: don’t promise your colleagues you’ll have something done if your success is contingent on the perfect functionality of an airborne internet connection.